Raiders of the Lost Spark

Above, not below. I love the brilliance though!

At first I thought I was experiencing a starry night. Under a shimmering mass of points and light, I thought it was the evening sky. I realized then that it was a crystal cave. I was in one, once, in Bermuda. I was with someone else, but this time I was there alone. Being alone there was a combination of both calm and inspiring. I can’t believe it’s been over two years since I experienced my time of uncertainty: living from a bag, dating someone across the country, having no clear direction of my future. Yet, here I am now, fully trusting. Yes, I experience fear and uncertainty from time to time, but my inner wisdom tells me that I am on the right path for me. Often I feel brilliant and sparkling. I wake up in the morning and feel joy. I am (almost) always inspired throughout my day. In the evening, I am either beside my partner or have loving thoughts of him. I am going after what I want in this life without compromise. Everything is so bright and I am convinced of the direction. Despite the occasional want, I have little in the way of lack. If I had a crystal ball and tried to look into my future: I am convinced that everything is coming together in a miraculous way.

A number of years ago, I ordered some ACIM courses from www.pathwaysoflight.org. There is certainly a time and place for everything; the “right” time didn’t exist in the past. Now is the time. I am in a place of peace, joy, and contemplation. I contacted POL to see if I could be assigned another facilitator to complete my course work. One of the miracles I am expecting for the 2010 year is the completion of many things from my past. Completion, however, is not quite the correct word. There is a certain illusion in it. Is anything ever truly completed, or rather, is the path simply altered or extended?

I have been seeking the balance between intense/heavy thinking, and simple literary pleasure. Not that I would ever suggest D.J. Conway to be “simple”; rather, she writes and presents information in a way that is pure pleasure – intellectual candy for my cerebral sweet tooth! I have a number of her books sitting idle, purchasing them with the notion that their time would come. I am constantly striving for balance – without the desire or the willingness to ever go too far in one direction. Despite my new appreciation for the Christian faith, I will never rescind my love for spirituality and the earth religions. I strongly believe that synchronicity and symbiosis exists between them.. and almost everything.

Loosely X-posted to www.rockyourboatyoga.com

The Altered State of Silence

Kierkegaard, likely the greatest Protestant Christian mind of all time, said:
“If I could prescribe only one remedy for all the ills of the modern world, I would prescribe silence.“

I never used to enjoy silence. I always needed dialogue. This constant need often manifested in detrimental ways. Constant external dialogue left me in a state when I was also in a constant state of internal chatter. Quietly reflecting was akin to obsessing as I couldn’t stop the noise; I was unable to enter a state of contemplation without fixating. I attribute part of my current near-bliss state to embracing silence as a daily requirement. Yoga, meditation, contemplation. Despite the doctrine and dogma, this is one of the reasons I enjoy going to various church services. They provide the environment for me to enter this place of quiet reflection. With this practice comes an increase of patience, tolerance, understanding, and joy. Kierkegaard was certainly wise.

For the past several weeks, I have been attending a bible study class. No matter what the doctrine or dogma, I am steadfast in my belief that, in the end, it’s all the same. We are separated by words, when in the end, we share so much commonality. Despite the fact that I am, at best, a spiritual agnostic, I find intense inspiration in evangelical Christianity – perhaps because it has a certain element of magic to it. Raised Catholic, I fell away from religion for a number of years during my teenage years and never thought about it twice. However, for the sake of familial ties, I begrudgingly attended a Baptist service several years ago. Surprisingly, I thoroughly enjoyed it – more for the joy of the people than the actual content – but it was a start. Since that time, I have explored and experienced a number of “flavours” of Christianity. Resonating the highest with me have been Christian Science, Baptist, and Pentecostal. The miracles of Christian Science, and the magic of the evangelical Baptists and Pentecostal Christians strike a deep chord with me.

Sitting in bible study, it’s quite apparent that I share strikingly different beliefs than the other ladies. I keep silent out of respect. It’s their faith, and I have no desire to combat or challenge it. However, I am able to take the concepts and ideas and fit them into my own and I derive benefit from them. I enjoy the prayer circle as it is a meditation of peace for me, and I am blessed by putting out positive and healing energy to others.

I feel as though I’m experiencing a homecoming to God. I used to be hell-bent on excluding God from my life. Now, I would prefer to be inclusive rather than exclusive. I appreciate the fact that my partner was raised with religious parents. I appreciate the fact that my step mother is very strict in her faith and enjoys my company at her church. I appreciate the fact that she has family in Guelph who welcome me with open arms into their place of worship. In the past, I was sorely determined that any wedding I might have would be purely secular. In looking toward the future, I’m not interested in the possibility of a church wedding, but I wouldn’t feel the need to completely exclude God either. I love my current relationship with the divine; a relationship that is all my own.